


Lifeless

by hit_the_books



Series: Bitter Actions [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Coda, Episode: s12e07 Rock Never Dies, Exorcisms, M/M, Non-Consensual Kissing, Pining, Post-Episode: s12e07 Rock Never Dies, Sam-Centric, Self-Loathing, Sibling Incest, Unrequited Dean Winchester/Sam Winchester, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-28
Updated: 2017-01-28
Packaged: 2018-09-20 12:44:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,121
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9491450
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hit_the_books/pseuds/hit_the_books
Summary: Things aren't back to normal between Sam and Dean, not since Sam kissed his brother for the first time. Stopping off in Grand Junction, Colorado to deal with some demons, Sam ends up kissing Dean again.Post episode coda to 12.07 Rock Never Dies.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This was written for the January 2017 round of the [Wincest Writing Challenge.](http://wincestwritingchallenge.tumblr.com/) My prompt was "holy water" and my partner was [ilovejared](http://ilovejared.tumblr.com/).
> 
> If you haven't read [Not so Tough](http://archiveofourown.org/works/8369767) then you should probably do that before reading this. Not essential, but would probably help.
> 
> Parts of this have been written during Weekend Writing Marathon stints.

“Fine, fine, we’ll go check out your little band of Judases… No, we’re not taking it lightly… Right… Bye.” Dean hung up and stowed his cell. The Impala rumbled along, heading towards the Bunker.

The gap between Sam and Dean on that front bench seat was like a yawning chasm—and Sam hated it for being impossible to cross. He wanted to get back to his room in the Bunker and stay out of Dean’s space, but his brother didn’t seem to understand that that was what Sam needed. Instead Dean continued to act, like he had done all those weeks, as if nothing had happened.

All those weeks ago, long buried longing had oozed out of Sam like pus from a wound. Sam regretted having kissed Dean. Not because he’d shown Dean what a sick and twisted freak he was, no, what Sam hated was that Dean hadn’t even responded. He’d said nothing to Sam of the kiss. Maybe Dean told fewer jokes, or maybe he took more meals in his room, but he hadn’t said anything to Sam.

Even a punch would have been welcome, because at least then it would have told Sam that Dean felt something for him. Instead Dean had acted literally as if Sam hadn’t touched him the night he’d returned from being tortured by Toni. Weeks had passed since that kiss and Sam wondered if Dean had blanked it from his memory. _Why don’t you shout and scream, Dean? Just tell me I’m a fuck-up and kick me out. Just do it. You don’t need me_ _—_ though Sam knew that last part was a lie.

Despite all that was going on in Sam’s head, he didn’t say any of it. Instead he finally asked, “What does Crowley want?”

Dean checked his rearview mirror and then answered Sam, “A bunch of demons are trying to set up some little scheme to get in Lucifer’s good graces. Crowley asked if we’d take care of them, ‘cause it’s on our way back.”

The mention of Lucifer’s name made Sam flinch subconsciously. Dean must have seen something, because he looked over at Sam, but still he didn’t say anything.

“Why can’t he and Cas take care of it?” Sam asked, chancing a glance at Dean.

“They’re too busy trying to track where Lucifer’s hopped to now.”

Dean’s attention returned to the road and Sam sat with arms crossed, staring out of his window. In the weeks that had followed that kiss, Sam had wondered if kissing with their mom a few rooms away had been why Dean hadn’t responded, but with Mary leaving that didn’t make sense. For Dean it seemed like that kiss had never happened. _I shouldn’t have done it_ , Sam kept telling himself. _If he wanted me, he would have done something by now_.

Over ten hours into their drive back from LA, they needed to stop and rest if they were going to tackle another hunt—it’d been almost a day since either of them had had any sleep. Sam’s arms still ached from holding open the doors at the club where Lucifer-Vince had been hosting his comeback concert. Sam’s nerves were frayed, mind desperately trying to pack away the memories and sensations that had been scrabbling to get out since he’d first laid eyes on Lucifer wearing Vince Vicente's body.

He’d never be able to listen to Vince Vicente's music ever again.

***

Rolling into the outskirts of Grand Junction, Colorado, Dean pulled up at the first cheap looking motel that they saw. He booked their usual two queens and made Sam eat a chicken salad he’d grabbed from a nearby diner. Dean ate a double cheeseburger with bacon and fries. Conversation stayed on the case.

“Crowley said they’re hold up in a high school that’s being renovated,” Dean explained, picking at his remaining fries. “Shouldn’t be anyone else there, contractors are off during the weekend.”

Sam nodded and forked some more lettuce and chicken in this mouth. He chewed and swallowed. “How very Buffy of them,” Sam replied dryliy.

Dean paused mid fry pick-up and stared at Sam. “I’m sure it’s not on a Hellmouth. Crowley would have said,” Dean bounced back.

It wasn’t like Sam had dropped a tidbit of pop culture to get Dean to talk, but Dean’s quick response warmed Sam from the inside out. It made his poor broken heart perk up with hope that things would thaw. That the small touches and happy smiles of Dean’s might just return.

But nothing was warm about the way Dean methodically bagged up his trash and threw it in the trashcan. Sam’s appetite disappeared and he did the same, saying nothing as he headed for the bed furthest from the door, set an alarm on this cell for a few hours later, and pulled his boots off. He slipped into bed with his clothes on and buried himself under the covers, keeping his back to Dean.

Trying to let sleep find him, Sam hated the ache he still felt at not knowing how Dean felt about what he had done. He was fed up of being in the dark, but he didn’t know how to ask. Didn’t want to say the wrong thing and make Dean run as far and fast as he could. A kiss hadn’t been enough to push Dean away, but Sam knew that sometimes words could hurt more than a touch or a look. But Sam also knew that if he made Dean’s decision for him and left, that Sam’s leaving, on top of Mary’s, would probably drive Dean somewhere deep and dark.

***

The high school looked deserted as they headed on around the exterior—looking through the windows set in brown stone walls—under the cover of night. Dean had had an angel blade and Sam had Ruby’s knife, but they also had permanent markers, salt, a crucifix and a recorded exorcism chant (just in case) on both of their phones. It felt good that Dean hadn’t asked Sam why they’d brought the extra kit—that Dean still accepted that they should try to save people. Putting on his game face, Sam stayed focused on the task at hand rather than chasing his own doubts and thoughts around.

Circling round the main building, Sam kept an eye out for what they were looking for. It took ten minutes, but eventually they found it: the water storage tank for the school’s fire sprinkler system. Climbing up to the roof where it was perched, using an access ladder, Sam tried to be as quiet as possible. They were relying on surprising the demons that Crowley claimed were scheming inside the main school building. Working quietly and dropping the crucifix inside the tank, they turned the system’s water into holy water.

First part of their prep done, they headed on inside. They found the control panel for the school’s fire system and made sure the system was enabled, though no longer connected to the local fire department. They stalked past classrooms with desks and chairs piled up so that work could be done on the classrooms. Bit by bit they cleared the school until they reached the cafeteria. Everywhere else was demon free and they could hear someone talking from the other side of the room’s doors.

As the demons planned and argued, Dean and Sam went around to all of the cafeteria’s doors and drew devil’s traps on the floors in front of them, their chunky permanent markers easily marking the smooth surface. Staying low and quiet, the demons didn’t hear or see the two hunters as they worked.

“I’m saying we take the town and rock up to Lucifer with a ready and obedient army that can help him take down the Winchesters, Crowley and that stupid fucking angel, once and for all,” spat out a male demon on the other side of the doors.

With the devil’s traps finished, Sam and Dean went round to the nearest sensor for the fire system. Boosting Dean up, Sam kept his face turned away from Dean’s crotch and waited as Dean wafted some burning paper by the sensor. Just as Sam didn’t think the sprinklers would go, water started streaming down from the ceiling and screaming erupted from the cafeteria. Sam let Dean down and they yanked open the nearest double doors. Ignoring how the water made Dean’s shirts stick tightly to his skin, Sam kept his eyes on the gathering of demons.

Standing on a devil’s trap, Dean and Sam began the exorcism incantation as the demons smoked and screamed in front of them. “Exorcizamus te, omnis immundus spiritus…” they called out in unison. The exorcism wouldn’t get rid of them forever, but it would shove them down deep enough in Hell that they’d be out of the way for a while. Maybe long enough for them to get the upper hand against Lucifer.

Two of the demons tried to shuffle towards one of the other exits. But just as they got caught in the devil’s trap behind the door, Dean and Sam chanted, “Ecclesiam tuam securi tibi facias, libertate servire, te rogamus, audi nos,” and the demons were sent packing back to Hell along with their fellows. Thirty bodies dropped to the floor, circles of Hell fire closing beside each one, and the two hunters sprinted in, ignoring the continued deluge, clothes and hair plastered against them.

Not one of the victims had survived their possession. Sam shivered as the sprinkler system continued and he turned to look over at Dean. His brother stared at him with a half-defeated grimace. Sam’s feet moved before he realized what he was was doing and carried him into Dean’s space.

They hadn’t saved anyone, just bought Crowley some time to regain his place on Hell’s throne. Unsure quite what he was doing, Sam stood in front of Dean, sharing his air. He craved Dean and at the same time wanted to run. But as defeat stared up around them from thirty lifeless eyes, Sam leaned in and pressed his lips to Dean’s. A surprised shake ran through Dean and then his brother returned the kiss, lips pushing up against Sam’s. Then Dean’s warmth was gone and his fist smashed into Sam’s jaw, making Sam see stars.

Sam staggered backwards and fell to the sodden floor. Blood trickled down his chin from a split lip and Sam watched as Dean stalked out of the cafeteria without a look back at Sam. Staying on the floor, Sam curled in on himself, arms on his knees. He cried, tears indistinguishable from the holy water that continued to drench him.

The water finally stopped, either because the system was empty or because Dean had turned it off. Sam remained in a puddle on the floor, shivering, teeth chattering hard inside his head. He he was stupid to have pushed—an idiot to think that Dean would ever accept him for what he was. _Once a freak, always a freak_ , Sam thought bitterly, not wanting to head back out to the Impala. Afraid what he would do if the car was no longer there.

He didn’t want to stop Lucifer if it meant doing it without Dean and acknowledging this made Sam’s stomach churn. Dawn light started to fill the cafeteria through its high windows and Sam slowly got to his feet. Colder than he had been in a long time, Sam walked through the high school and headed to where Dean had parked the Impala just off site.

Arms wrapped around himself, Sam’s body shook as he walked. The Impala was where Dean had left it and Dean was sat inside it, staring at Sam as he approached. Without a word, Sam got inside his brother’s car and stayed silent as Dean started the ignition and pulled away. Not once did he moan about how their soaked asses were messing with his baby’s leather.

***

Three towns over, they stopped at another motel and cleaned up before getting dry. They slept in separate beds, Sam’s right cheek throbbing no matter how he laid his head on his pillow. He cried, aware that Dean could probably hear his stuttered breaths and little sniffs.

Later in the day, Dean woke Sam with a cup of coffee, but he still didn’t say a word. They drove the rest of the way back to Lebanon in silence and Sam went to his own room. He kicked his boots off and laid back down on his bed, eyes fixed on the fan that spun overhead.

A small voice in the back of Sam’s head pointed out, _He kissed you back._ But Sam couldn’t dare to hope that it meant something.

**Author's Note:**

> I wanted to write a sequel to Not so Tough. I'm unsure if I did it justice, but I know a lot of people wanted to find out if anything else might happen. Depending on how the rest of s12 inspires me, I might write more Wincest coda.
> 
> Kudos and comments appreciated.
> 
> Find me on Tumblr at [dreamsfromthebunker](http://dreamsfromthebunker.tumblr.com/).


End file.
